“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.
Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside, awakens.”
~ Carl Jung
One thing most people don’t know about me is that I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist every week for almost four years. In the beginning, I was secretive about seeing a shrink. I didn’t want even my closest friends or family members to know. After all, doesn’t seeing a psychiatrist mean I am… *gulp*… “crazy”?
But in the past few months I’ve become much more open about my adventures in deep mind-space exploration. I’ve seen the transformation that has occurred as a result of my own psychotherapy, and most people I know could benefit from a few rounds of their own. It’s my genuine hope that this article inspires people to take charge of their mental and emotional health rather than run away from it.
I first started seeing a psychiatrist in the fall of 2006, after a bout of depression had gotten the best of me. I wasn’t eager about the prospect of discussing my life with a stranger, but my family doctor insisted. I tend to lose my appetite when I’m depressed, and I was down to about 115 lbs (I’m 5’9). My doc said if I lost any more weight, she would admit me into the hospital, so I reluctantly dragged myself into the dreaded psychiatrist’s office.
The first year on the couch was very difficult for me. Almost immediately, the floodgates opened and 30 years of suppressed emotion came pouring out all at once. It was then that I realized one of the primary intentions of psychotherapy: emotional processing.
Why I see a Psychiatrist: Emotional Processing
Looking back on my life (my childhood in particular), I realized that there were many times when I didn’t have the skills to be fully present with my emotions. In my experience when I wasn’t able to process an emotion, it became suppressed in my body. My personal belief is that these unreleased, pent-up emotions accumulate and eventually have disastrous effects on the physical body.
One of the reasons I believe we suppress our emotions is that experiencing them can be tiring as well as terrifying. During the first year of psychotherapy, I purposefully kept my schedule clear for 4 – 5 hours after each appointment. I would come home so exhausted from my emotional overload that I would have to have a 2 – 3 hour nap afterwards.
Over time, the intensity of my emotional release waned and I noticed a new intention emerge from my psychotherapy: objective perception.
Me, Myself, and I: Objective Perception
One of the nice things about talking to a psychiatrist about your life is that they maintain an objective view of your reality. They don’t know your friends; they don’t know your family. Their perception is undistorted by personal motives other than to help you achieve a greater level of mental and emotional health.
But eventually I began to notice a second objective perception in the room: my own.
As I sat on the couch and externalized my thoughts into words, I noticed that I too have the ability to “observe” myself from a distant, objective perspective. From this standpoint I am able excavate and examine my most subconscious beliefs on an intricate level. Paired with the knowing that my thoughts create my reality, the opportunity to uncover limiting beliefs has been one of the greatest gifts from all the time I’ve spent in my psychiatrist’s office.
Last week for example, I uncovered the subconscious belief I was holding that my psychiatrist’s intention was to negatively judge me rather than help me. As I listened to myself talk, I noticed that this negative expectation applies to ALL people I come in contact with, not just my doctor. So the question becomes, do I really want to walk around for the rest of my life harboring the expectation that others are judging me?? Or would I rather expect them to love and support me instead? Only now that I am aware of my perception, can I begin to make a new choice.
Dangers of Seeing a Psychiatrist: Victim Mentality
The one feasible danger I find in seeing a psychiatrist is the possibility of getting stuck in a victim mentality. If you’re a fairly unconscious person (ie – you think you ARE your story), the liability of seeing a psychiatrist lies in riding the hamster wheel of martyrdom.
The ordeals and adventures of your life are not accidental. They’ve been purposefully woven into your biography to help you experience, express, and evolve into a higher revelation of who you are. If you get stuck re-hashing the past because you believe there is victory in suffering, you’re on the wrong path. There is a big difference between emotional processing and emotional immobilization.
That being said, I do sometimes wonder how long I will continue to see a psychiatrist. In the beginning, I was eager for a timeline. “How long is this going to take?” I would repeatedly ask her.
But as time goes by, I find I don’t need an answer to that question. I no longer see a psychiatrist because I’m trying to get “better”. I see a psychiatrist because it has helped me reach goals, become healthier, and radiate more confidence. I’ll continue to see my shrink as long as I feel it’s helping me move forward.
And if that makes me crazy, so be it. 
~
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi kb,
Releasing unwanted feelings in the moment they occur and taking a witness perspective in the face of difficulty are two skills that I’ve found to be fundamental to my personal growth, development, and fulfillment. I’ve also learned that sitting quietly in meditation helps me a lot with keeping both of these skills honed. Thanks for sharing your story. Your thoughtful approach to personal difficulty is one that I think many could learn from and be inspired by.
Christopher
Thanks for this article. I have a family member going through a really tough time (for a long time now, actually), and she saw a psychiatrist briefly, but then quit when she “didn’t like what he was telling her” (i.e. he told her she was argumentative, so she got mad/yelled at him and stopped seeing him). She doesn’t want to hear anything negative and doesn’t like admitting her own faults. She doesn’t have faults, everyone else does, and everyone else therefore attacks her.
Do you have any suggestions on what I can say or do to help her consider therapy again? Was it mostly your physical health issues that caused you to go in the end? She’s self medicating with anti-depressants, alcohol, and excessive shopping, so we are all very concerned.
Congratulations on your therapy – and no you’re not crazy! In fact you are healthier than most by realizing how destructive your own thoughts/feelings can be to yourself.
i really like this post k i somehow feel so reflected in it … we tend to demonize people who goes to see psychiatrist or psychologist because we think they are wrong but i’ve been there myself and it has helped me lots .. therapy helps a lot you just have to be willing to get the help … some people keeps going over and over with the same traumar for years and never heal because they really dont want to be heal ….
thank you for this light and love
T
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