It’s day one of my 30-day subjective reality trial, and the shit is already beginning to hit the fan.
Today started out like any other Friday. I got up, drank a green smoothie and got ready for my weekly appointment with the shrink. The only thing I did differently was make sure to squeeze in 30 minutes of subjective reality-related meditation and visualization before I left the house.
After my visualization session I was as high as a cloud. I practically floated out my front door. But then my vibration began to change.
As I drove to the psychiatrist’s office, I began to feel a sense of dread. The feeling became heavier and heavier the closer I got to her office. When I finally sat down on her puffy couch, I expressed my anger.
“I don’t know if I want to come here anymore,” I said. “I think there’s a possibility that this process is making me feel totally disempowered”.
She didn’t disagree with me. She just sat quietly, as she usually does.
“I don’t want to be a victim… I don’t want to talk about being a victim… because ultimately I don’t BELIEVE I’m a victim!!!”
My doc tried to reason with me by pointing out some events in my life that would indicate that in fact I AM indeed a victim. But that just made me angrier.
One of my biggest fears in therapy has always been the fear that I’ll fall prey to the victim trap; that I’ll become entwined with a “poor me” story and never be able to escape that story. I don’t regret going to therapy up until this point, because I know I have released a lot of emotional baggage from the past. But now that I’m more aware than ever that my emotions are my body’s response to my thoughts, I’m not sure therapy is such a good idea.
What I really want is to use my negative emotions as in-the-moment vibrational indicators that help me shift whatever it is I’m thinking about, immediately. I’ve tried to do this in therapy, but talking about what’s bothering me has become such a habit in her office that it might be easier to ditch it altogether and find a new methodology, if I even need one.
Obviously there are some events in my past that one could look at from an objective viewpoint, as if I am a victim. But these same events could also be viewed from a subjective perspective, as if I created them. Since neither is falsifiable, the ultimate question is, which mindset is more empowering???
I’m thinking subjective reality.
If the world is a dream and what I’m experiencing in that dream is a reflection of my own thoughts and feelings, then why would I want to spend any time “beating the drum” (as Abraham says) of what is NOT working in my life?? Wouldn’t it make more sense to spend as much time as possible focusing, thinking about, and talking about what I LOVE???
My conclusions on this were confirmed when I got home and came across this video on Youtube of Abraham’s perspective on therapy. Basically, Abraham states that most forms of therapy keep you OUT of the “vortex” (a high-vibrational state of mind where your desires manifest easily):
So now my question is, should I dump my psychiatrist? What do you think?? Leave a comment below.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
You already know the answer.
All I know is that you do not have to go to therapy indefinitely. There comes a time when you need to break away and be on your own, without the projections (as well-informed as they may be) of a trained therapist or psychiatrist.
Plus, you already know what’s up. Save the money and donate it to a shelter or something.
Agreed with Derek. I do completely understand what you mean here!
lol, I came here to say exactly that.
Karen…
I feel you are an insightful and quite intelligent person. Only you can make this decision.But coming from a place of experience. I feel therapy can only do so much. Then its time to look inside and do the work on youre own. Remember.. we are all a collective conciousness… Breathe.. Live… Thats all! Besides… KB loves you!
Hi Karen,
I love how you are doing this 30-day trial. I can’t wait to hear more about it. About the therapy, of course, this is a very personal decision to make. Since you did ask for comments, I just want to point out the way you described your feelings on the way to the therapist’s office. Dread, followed by anger once you were there. If you want to use your emotions as vibrational indicators, then take those negative emotions as a sign that right now, the therapy is not helping you be where you want to be. You can always join up again after your 30-day SR trial if at that time you feel that the choice wasn’t right. Love you!
As a grad psych student I will no deny the fact that I believe in the power of therapy. However! Your therapist MUST match your personality, while still challenging your to make the changes necessary ( that you are both comfortable with and agreed upon) as a team to encourage growth. Therapy is not always pretty, and if a client is truly in denial it will be difficult. I’m not saying you are in denial please don’t read it a such. However, find the right fit. I like the Hicks and Abraham however there is a lot that does not address or perhaps fluffs over how to truly address cognitive behavioral problems or depression ect. Perhaps this isn’t the right therapist for you but dont discount them altogether. Good MSWs MFTs and psychologists will help you disobey what will help rather and achieve your desired state rather than prescribing you to the role of victim, especially if you are not exhibiting victim-like behaviors. Find someone who is a better fit while presenting you with goals to achieve… Maybe even a coach would be better. Many coaches have their own coaches many psychiatrists have their own therapist nobody is infallible. Best wishes to you! Blessed be!
Hey, yes! I am doing this exact thing. The last time I met with my psychologist was kind of the last straw. I only began meeting with her this summer, as I just moved. All I needed to discuss was about my fear surrounding not being able to financially take care of myself, but she wanted to go into all my childhood and dig up all kinds of stuff that I had talked out to other therapists in my life ad nauseum and I had healed ad nauseum with reiki.
The last time I went, she again wanted me to talk about something I didn’t want to talk about with her. As if that weren’t bad enough, she would then judge the people I would tell her about and then I felt guilty and regretful that I had told her anything about them–because I’m not in that place anymore where you feel better when you hear bad stuff about the people that hurt you so badly.
I am not in that kind of place anymore where I want to sit and rehash all that stuff that happened to me decades ago. It’s a waste of my energy and a waste of my thoughts and efforts. It’s time to pay attention to the present and look ahead.
Psychotherapy is passé and I feel like every time I go back to my psychologist, I’m being dragged back into something that is dead and she is trying to keep it alive and then that makes me kind of angry. It sounds like you’re in the same place.
Hi KB
Hmm. I’m a big believer in “like attracts like.” I believe all happens for a reason. I didn’t just happen to click onto Twitter right when your tweet on this was at the top. I’ve never visited your blog before. And yet I felt compelled to do so today… I have too many thoughts to share. But here’s some of them.
I started watching the Abraham video and stopped it where she said, “when I don’t feel good, I try to find something to make me feel better.” I enjoy Abraham’s stuff, but I don’t think its the end all and be all in wisdom. It’s this woman’s higher self–blended to some extent with her own biased thinking. Same with all of us intuitive ones. A lot of wisdom from “Abraham,” but not perfect, of course. But that statement I stopped on is a “red flag” in my view. We don’t really need that directive, because that’s what most of us usually do. We find something to make us feel better–an escape from the pain (food, friends, computer, TV, sex, alcohol…). A distraction from life. Pain is a part of life. It is as valid as our joy and love, and those would have no meaning without it. We grow, and become wiser and stronger, not from always having a peaches-n-cream existence, but from those challenging times, those painful times.
Another thing that’s come to me recently, in my own experience is that we come up with the most resistance right before we’re about to have a big breakthrough. Somehow there’s a part of us that knows this major change is coming–and that scares the hell out of us. So we wanna pull out, run, sabotage, anything to prevent that good change from happening.
My morning bibliomancy was about grieving (from Language of Letting Go, Melody Beattie)–”how do we grieve?” She said something like, it’s awful, it’s messy, essentially it’s not pretty, not perfect–no rule book. Ya’ just have to do it, go through it, no one can tell you how. Grieving is a crucial part of life, of healing our old wounds. Putting a happy face on it won’t cure it. We can do that, and our lives may look just fine and dandy for a while. But then like many popular “positive-thinking” gurus, our bodies may bring it up later with some serious dis-ease. Emotions are powerful, powerful things–the essence of what we are. It would be wise to embrace them all–we can never permanently obliterate them. We shouldn’t want to. Allowing our sadness and anger, while maintaining our knowing, peace, understanding, self-love, NON-JUDGMENT…underneath that, seems to me to be a wise thing. Allowing our anger and sadness does not make us flawed, it makes us whole.
The problem with most gurus is their black-and-white thinking. There’s no rule book, no one has the “right” answer for us. We make the rules as we go, we are our own Ruler. To me it’s invariably about balance. Sure, we should think positively most of the time–but not when that “positive-thinking” is really denial of our feelings, and running from the pain that we need to feel, that healing requires. I’ve learned it’s not a one-time deal, it can be ongoing, long, very long and grueling. And such is the nature of true, deep and lasting healing. But we don’t ever “cure” ourselves of anger and sadness, they are integral to our being.
You have to assess for yourself if your therapist is enriching or harming your life. I think if one feels desperate to run from something that had been helping them, the desperation might be key–a need to escape? On the other hand, if one feels a sense of peace and knowing that it’s time to move one, they may be onto something there. Another measuring stick is to look at one’s life. What are we manifesting? If our lives aren’t radiant with our fulfilled desires, then we still have “issues” that we’re not tending to. And, of course, most of us do
Dove11Star/Twitter
What a great way of putting into words that I wasn’t able to say. When Abraham said that statement, I wanted to switch it off, but my curiosity got the better of me. There are so many factors at play here. Great comment, one that is worth taking serious consideration about in my opinion. <3
I love you, KB!
Take the value you find in the therapy, and ditch the disempowering aspects of it. Your article is helping my identify that I want to play the part of my own therapist (treater of problems) less often, and be more of a self cheerleader amplifying my joys and desires. The video was very amusing and helpful — I have been listening to an Abraham-Hicks CD and this really ties it all together for me. Thank You beautiful and keep posting your discoveries! <3 Phx
As much as I like Abe-Hicks I think therapy is a good tool to get you through some hard moments in your life. I agree that a therapist should try to move you to a place where you CAN be self sufficient from them and continue to grow on your own. I also agree with finding a therapist that suits your own needs, and if you don’t want to do therapy anymore and she’s not willing to accept that for you, I think you need to do what you know is right. Dump that therapist. You’re not a victim anymore, if you’ve TAKEN what was given to you (or what you gave yourself), and moved out of it and worked to heal it. You’re no longer a victim, because you stood up and proclaimed that you won’t let it affect you anymore and then worked hard to make it so. Lot of love <3
The best answers are usually the shortest and simplest. And what Derek said of course
Much love and joy on your SR journey!
Sometimes ’tis true, other times, the brevity is just about insecurity and “withholding.” Like this one
Thank you KB.
_Should_ you dump your psychiatrist? Hmmm …. how about *could* you dump your psychiatrist?
“I could dump my psychiatrist and xxx, or I could keep on going and xxx … or maybe I could try seeing her less often, or try taking a/few weeks/months off and see …”
Sounds like it couldn’t hurt.
I went through a hard time deciding whether or not to stop seeing my mental health therapist/counselor as well a couple years back. I had been going through some hard depression, but it got better; the therapy helped a lot, and I’m grateful for it, but it got to a point where I wasn’t sure whether continuing on was continuing to help me … what at first was a lifeline started becoming more of a chore, and I didn’t feel like I needed it as much; I had worked through some blocks, opened up some things, and found a better framework to deal with things from when my mind started going down that depression road.
I talked with him about this, and he did a good thing, I think — he pushed me to make my own decision about whether I needed to go or stay, and in the process revealed that I didn’t need to depend on him anymore. I had found some wings. It was scary, and bittersweet, but empowering.
And he’s still there if I ever want to go back, but I don’t think I will.
I’d go one more time and see if you get the same reaction. If so, this dream character would drop her! Or at least suspend her until further notice.
It’s also important to communicate to your therapist what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t. However, taking to your therapist I quite different than talking to toe friends. It is not the therpist’s job to tell you what you want to hear. You have your friends for that. But think about that. Do you have a friend who tells you the straight up thruth that you don’t want to hear but you love them for it anyway? Or is perhaps your therapist too much like you when people ask you for advice or help? I think these are good questions to ask before deciding why you don’t like what your therapist is telling you. Your seeking help for a reason, so are you willing to explore therapy techniques with an open mind and heart or are you going in with preconceived notions and an idea that you are going to control everything so you don’t have to face the truth?
KB,
You are only a thought away from wellness! When you ask the question you already know the answer!
I love you,
Darlene
I think you already know this answer as well. I know what I would do! I am on a path now where I try to find the positive spin on everything, and if I were to keep talking about the bad, I think it would bring my vibration down. I am really trying to keep it UP! This is not to say that in the past therapy was not helpful, it sounds like it was. But I think you have grown past the need for it. Atleast for now.
I make the best decisions when I’m feeling peaceful, uplifted and/or free, like you did after your visualization session, and what it sounds like to me is that you already know the answer to what you should do, like your fellow readers have pointed out.
I like sneakily reading your posts, and they rock, so keep them coming
Yes. Psychologists are useful for looking at yourself from a different perspective if you need one and help you feel comfortable dealing with things you aren’t comfortable with, but if you are able to do this on your own (you are) you don’t need one. Friends are usually enough.
Have you heard about somatic psychology? It’s similar to conventional psychiatry in that you explore past events, but different because you do so by experiencing your thoughts and feelings in your body. Then you release them and it’s done! I like the connection between somatic psych and yoga as well, they work well together.
Bravo! I understand completely where you are coming from. I just left my shrink. I have been in threrapy for 8 years. it had become a crutch and each doctor or psychologist was happy to take my money and just allow me to keep being the victicm. I realized finally that most of my progress over the years was through my own doing and not the help of professionals. Plus i had a few doctors that did more damage with excessive medication and ECT. I had moved from being the victim of my abusers to the vitcim of my doctors. I am done being a victim.
Good luck to you.
Awesome Kitty, thanks for your comment. It’s good to know I’m not alone! xo